Dear Drew,
I just heard Jason Voorhees & Leatherface were supposedly together. I realize they're not real... but when did they supposedly get married?

Hates on finger-knives, It is true that Jason and Leatherface have had a long and sordid romance. We have documented several of their encounters on our site to help keep everyone up to date on their relationship. But to my knowledge they have not actually "tied the knot" as of yet. I don't know if it's because they are both dudes and it's still not legal where they live (backwoods Kentucky) or if it's because they are both afraid of commitment. Rest assured, once we hear word of any planned nuptials we will be the first people there with a video camera to get the wedding (and honeymoon...that's just sexy) on tape for everyone to see.

Dear Drew, I am part of Iran's nuclear program and wanted to know if you had any information on your government's plans to try and stop us. Any information would be very helpful.

Dear Yasar, Wow, this is definitely the most serious and political question we have encountered. Usually we just deal with things like, "Is this picture of Pee Wee Herman or a Hot Dog?" You know; important tasks like that. But since I answer all questions that come my way, I went ahead and made a couple calls to see what I could find out. So here is the inside info...I have no idea. Thanks for the great question!

Dear Drew,
Pee Wee Herman's a real wiener....Right?

Dear Drew, I was wondering what Jason and Leatherface do on a sunny day?

Did you get my gift?

Dear Drew, pancakes or waffles?

Well Cassie...I'd have to say I'm more of a pancakes type of guy. There's something about those thin little flaps of dough that remind me of my childhood. At least once a year, instead of the regular morning punch in the face, my step-step-step mom would make me two bread pudding pancakes. They usually tasted like vodka and cigarette butts, so I assume that's what bread pudding is, but for those 10 minutes a year I felt like we were a real family. Ahhhh, delicious pancake memories.

Dear Drew, do you have a vagina?

Well Travis...yes, I sure do. Or maybe I don't...meet me behind your closest 7-11 tonight at 11:30 and find out for yourself. Thanks for the fantastic question, keep 'em coming genius.

I'm addicted to talking to underage turkey's in the sex chat rooms. I was wondering what kinda trouble I could get into by trying to bump giblets with a turkey that hasn't developed feathers in all the adult places?

Dear Drew, Why don't you hire someone new to work on your website? It sucks.

Dear Drew,
I broke my arm and it hurts what should I do

Well, the first thing you should do is quit whining. I once stubbed my toe a little bit and only cried for an hour, so a broken arm is nothing. But if the pain is really too much to handle, just take a handful of aspirin, tape them to the most painful parts of your arm, and head to the nearest sauna to sweat your ass off and get that lovely aspirin residue soaking deep in to your appendage. Trust me, it works much better than ingesting or snorting them. So man ( or woman, I don't know you) up and get back in there, a broken arm is no reason to stop showing up to your job, even if you are just a fluff for your uncle's porno business. Gross.

Fun Fact. We are now being followed by @aots (Attack of the Show) on Twitter. (twitter.com/askdrewnow) So leave your best questions and we may create a video answer good enough to get on TV! (blatant lie.) Actually, more than likely we'll just answer it with a text response and nobody will ever see it... or we might just ignore it. WHO KNOWS!? At any rate we will be trying to answer more questions now than we have in the past year, so keep them coming in.

Dear Drew, Who is your favorite coco chatter?

I have no idea. I only eat Coco Chatter Puffs for breakfast....so I would say...Molly Ringwald? Is she a coco chatter? The Breakfast Club is the coco chatter bomb.

Dear Drew,
how do you download app for ipod for texting to let you know if someone is typing back

How the hell would I know? Apple products are for hipster doofus idiots. If you think you are creative and smart, and you want an ipod...go fu*k yourself, because apple proucts suck balls. Get an Android phone...they aren't pretentious and you wont get your ass kicked when I see you. So in summary, Apple sucks, unless you wear black turtle necks and hope to be the star of your high school production of, Macbeth...in which case you are already such a gigantic pussy you won't understand what I'm saying anyway. Bitch.

Dear Drew, i lost my job, im behide on car payments ;i have 13 weeks to wait until i get my unemployment can someone help me catch up on my payments?

Hi Bertha. The answer is no...no one can help you with your payments. Except maybe Ed McMahon...but he is dead, so you are screwed. Unless you want to give me your car, and let me cruise around with it for chicks, you are screwed. Enjoy the new America. Work hard and get boned. That's the new American dream.

Dear Drew, the red in my TV shadows n bleeds real bad. Why??

Well Jeff...I think it is because you are a total moron. Have you ever thought about changing your tv settings to not show the stupid bleeding red? Maybe stop watching so many episoddes of True Blood and start watching something normal like the Housewives of Orange County and maybe you won't see so much red on your tv. Unless they all start having their period at the same time...in which case you might see even more red than you are used to. F those bitches...they suck my balls.

Dear Drew, Someday far, far off, will askdrewnow.com will be passed down to the next generation of Drew's? And also, is there such thing as askdrewnow.com baby onesies? I heard someone just had a baby and thought it'd make a great gift :)

Tam in Tampa Bay, My greatest accomplishment in my entire life is this website. Considering that I have accomplished practically everything that is humanly possibly in existence; that is quite the statement. So taking in to account the pride I have for this digital circus we call askdrewnow.com, my answer is yes; I hope to someday pass this down to my offspring. Of course we have to cross our fingers that one of them will be named Drew, otherwise the website will be pretty obsolete after my death. So assuming one of my illegitimate children come out a Drew, this site will live on forever. And if you are in the market for askdrewnow.com onesies, just check out our Official ADN Store using the T-shirt link at the right. We have everything a baby needs to poop their pants in style...poop not included.

Dear Drew, Do you love your Justin Bieber hair as much as I do?

Needle Dick in New Jersey, Yes, I do love my Justin Bieber hair. Now, I'm not 100% sure who Justin Bieber is, probably because I'm not a 10 year old girl like yourself. Not that their is anything wrong with being a 10 year old girl, it's just disturbing that being a Needle Dick like yourself coincides with that female classification. Nonetheless, I appreciate your bringing my hair style to my attention. It has inspired me to make a change; in the future please keep an eye out for my next style: The Rick Astley. I'm never gonna give you up Needle Dick...never.

I was wondering if you knew of any kids CD's available that the child I abducted from the dollar tree could rock out to?

Dear Drew, I am a business owner and really want to try to increase my sales through superior customer service. How can I really make the shopping experience great for my customers?

Dear Drew, I like to smoke cigarettes. Is that cool?