AskDrewNow.com

A Question from Hates on finger-knives

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 15:47:49 CST

Dear Drew, I just heard Jason Voorhees & Leatherface were supposedly together. I realize they're not real... but when did they supposedly get married?
Sincerely,
-Hates on finger-knives

Hates on finger-knives, It is true that Jason and Leatherface have had a long and sordid romance. We have documented several of their encounters on our site to help keep everyone up to date on their relationship. But to my knowledge they have not actually "tied the knot" as of yet. I don't know if it's because they are both dudes and it's still not legal where they live (backwoods Kentucky) or if it's because they are both afraid of commitment. Rest assured, once we hear word of any planned nuptials we will be the first people there with a video camera to get the wedding (and honeymoon...that's just sexy) on tape for everyone to see.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Yasar

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 15:41:34 CST

Dear Drew, I am part of Iran's nuclear program and wanted to know if you had any information on your government's plans to try and stop us. Any information would be very helpful.
Sincerely,
-Yasar

Dear Yasar, Wow, this is definitely the most serious and political question we have encountered. Usually we just deal with things like, "Is this picture of Pee Wee Herman or a Hot Dog?" You know; important tasks like that. But since I answer all questions that come my way, I went ahead and made a couple calls to see what I could find out. So here is the inside info...I have no idea. Thanks for the great question!
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Ball Park in a Playhouse

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:04:26 CST

Dear Drew, Pee Wee Herman's a real wiener....Right?
Sincerely,
-Ball Park in a Playhouse

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20111215170426/answer.htm

A Question from Cryptkeeper in Costco

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 23:16:30 CST

Dear Drew, I was wondering what Jason and Leatherface do on a sunny day?
Sincerely,
-Cryptkeeper in Costco

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20111213231630/answer.htm

A Question from Sinister Caregiver

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 20:50:54 CST

Did you get my gift?
Sincerely,
-Sinister Caregiver

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20111213205054/answer.htm

A Question from Cassie

Sun, 11 Dec 2011 21:19:07 CST

Dear Drew, pancakes or waffles?
Sincerely,
-Cassie

Well Cassie...I'd have to say I'm more of a pancakes type of guy. There's something about those thin little flaps of dough that remind me of my childhood. At least once a year, instead of the regular morning punch in the face, my step-step-step mom would make me two bread pudding pancakes. They usually tasted like vodka and cigarette butts, so I assume that's what bread pudding is, but for those 10 minutes a year I felt like we were a real family. Ahhhh, delicious pancake memories.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Travis

Sun, 11 Dec 2011 19:47:00 CST

Dear Drew, do you have a vagina?
Sincerely,
-Travis

Well Travis...yes, I sure do. Or maybe I don't...meet me behind your closest 7-11 tonight at 11:30 and find out for yourself. Thanks for the fantastic question, keep 'em coming genius.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Pilgrims Progress in Pedovilla

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 22:36:20 CST

I'm addicted to talking to underage turkey's in the sex chat rooms. I was wondering what kinda trouble I could get into by trying to bump giblets with a turkey that hasn't developed feathers in all the adult places?
Sincerely,
-Pilgrims Progress in Pedovilla

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20111210223620/answer.htm

A Question from Job Source in Jalaa

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 18:18:30 CST

Dear Drew, Why don't you hire someone new to work on your website? It sucks.
Sincerely,
-Job Source in Jalaa

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20111210181830/answer.htm

A Question from Ishkabob Vanhusen

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 22:11:32 CST

Dear Drew, I broke my arm and it hurts what should I do
Sincerely,
-Ishkabob Vanhusen

Well, the first thing you should do is quit whining. I once stubbed my toe a little bit and only cried for an hour, so a broken arm is nothing. But if the pain is really too much to handle, just take a handful of aspirin, tape them to the most painful parts of your arm, and head to the nearest sauna to sweat your ass off and get that lovely aspirin residue soaking deep in to your appendage. Trust me, it works much better than ingesting or snorting them. So man ( or woman, I don't know you) up and get back in there, a broken arm is no reason to stop showing up to your job, even if you are just a fluff for your uncle's porno business. Gross.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Message From Garrett

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 01:14:53 CST

Fun Fact. We are now being followed by @aots (Attack of the Show) on Twitter. (twitter.com/askdrewnow) So leave your best questions and we may create a video answer good enough to get on TV! (blatant lie.) Actually, more than likely we'll just answer it with a text response and nobody will ever see it... or we might just ignore it. WHO KNOWS!? At any rate we will be trying to answer more questions now than we have in the past year, so keep them coming in.
-Garrett

A Question from JillyBean

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:47:49 CST

Dear Drew, Who is your favorite coco chatter?
Sincerely,
-JillyBean

I have no idea. I only eat Coco Chatter Puffs for breakfast....so I would say...Molly Ringwald? Is she a coco chatter? The Breakfast Club is the coco chatter bomb.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Joe

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:46:01 CST

Dear Drew, how do you download app for ipod for texting to let you know if someone is typing back
Sincerely,
-Joe

How the hell would I know? Apple products are for hipster doofus idiots. If you think you are creative and smart, and you want an ipod...go fu*k yourself, because apple proucts suck balls. Get an Android phone...they aren't pretentious and you wont get your ass kicked when I see you. So in summary, Apple sucks, unless you wear black turtle necks and hope to be the star of your high school production of, Macbeth...in which case you are already such a gigantic pussy you won't understand what I'm saying anyway. Bitch.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Bertha Jones

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:40:21 CST

Dear Drew, i lost my job, im behide on car payments ;i have 13 weeks to wait until i get my unemployment can someone help me catch up on my payments?
Sincerely,
-Bertha Jones

Hi Bertha. The answer is no...no one can help you with your payments. Except maybe Ed McMahon...but he is dead, so you are screwed. Unless you want to give me your car, and let me cruise around with it for chicks, you are screwed. Enjoy the new America. Work hard and get boned. That's the new American dream.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Jeff

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:37:05 CST

Dear Drew, the red in my TV shadows n bleeds real bad. Why??
Sincerely,
-Jeff

Well Jeff...I think it is because you are a total moron. Have you ever thought about changing your tv settings to not show the stupid bleeding red? Maybe stop watching so many episoddes of True Blood and start watching something normal like the Housewives of Orange County and maybe you won't see so much red on your tv. Unless they all start having their period at the same time...in which case you might see even more red than you are used to. F those bitches...they suck my balls.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Tam in Tampa Bay

Sun, 07 Nov 2010 15:03:09 CST

Dear Drew, Someday far, far off, will askdrewnow.com will be passed down to the next generation of Drew's? And also, is there such thing as askdrewnow.com baby onesies? I heard someone just had a baby and thought it'd make a great gift :)
Sincerely,
-Tam in Tampa Bay

Tam in Tampa Bay, My greatest accomplishment in my entire life is this website. Considering that I have accomplished practically everything that is humanly possibly in existence; that is quite the statement. So taking in to account the pride I have for this digital circus we call askdrewnow.com, my answer is yes; I hope to someday pass this down to my offspring. Of course we have to cross our fingers that one of them will be named Drew, otherwise the website will be pretty obsolete after my death. So assuming one of my illegitimate children come out a Drew, this site will live on forever. And if you are in the market for askdrewnow.com onesies, just check out our Official ADN Store using the T-shirt link at the right. We have everything a baby needs to poop their pants in style...poop not included.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Needle Dick in New Jersey

Sun, 07 Nov 2010 14:42:08 CST

Dear Drew, Do you love your Justin Bieber hair as much as I do?
Sincerely,
-Needle Dick in New Jersey

Needle Dick in New Jersey, Yes, I do love my Justin Bieber hair. Now, I'm not 100% sure who Justin Bieber is, probably because I'm not a 10 year old girl like yourself. Not that their is anything wrong with being a 10 year old girl, it's just disturbing that being a Needle Dick like yourself coincides with that female classification. Nonetheless, I appreciate your bringing my hair style to my attention. It has inspired me to make a change; in the future please keep an eye out for my next style: The Rick Astley. I'm never gonna give you up Needle Dick...never.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from On the Run in Rome

Sat, 06 Nov 2010 15:16:41 CDT

I was wondering if you knew of any kids CD's available that the child I abducted from the dollar tree could rock out to?
Sincerely,
-On the Run in Rome

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20101106151641/answer.htm

A Question from Seller in Socorro

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 17:45:45 CDT

Dear Drew, I am a business owner and really want to try to increase my sales through superior customer service. How can I really make the shopping experience great for my customers?
Sincerely,
-Seller in Socorro

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20101102174545/answer.htm

A Question from Iron Lung in Lawrenceville

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 13:05:59 CDT

Dear Drew, I like to smoke cigarettes. Is that cool?
Sincerely,
-Iron Lung in Lawrenceville

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20101018130559/answer.htm

A Question from Jos

Sat, 18 Sep 2010 15:24:01 CDT

Dear Drew, I read you're ticklish, so I was wondering if you have ticklish feet and, if so, do you like having them tickled?
Sincerely,
-Jos

Jos, I am actually very ticklish. Every time I see Kevin (the abnormally tall person you see on here) he always greets me with at least 15 minutes of solid tickling. It just makes us both smile! But when it comes to my feet, I will fight to the death to keep anyone from getting near those ticklish feet bastards. Feet are disgusting no matter what. No one should ever have to touch or look at anyone's feet, even their own. Feet are just gross. However, I would like to challenge anyone who sees me to go ahead and start up a good old fashioned tickle fight with me. They are just so much fun and always end up sexy. Just stay away from my feet...seriously.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Miniature in Maine

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 00:30:27 CDT

Dear Drew, Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be really tiny? I think it would be super fun.
Sincerely,
-Miniature in Maine

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20100917003027/answer.htm

A Question from Lady Gaga

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 00:23:48 CDT

Dear Drew, Have you seen the new Lady Gaga video?
Sincerely,
-Lady Gaga

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20100917002348/answer.htm

A Question from Golddigging Guy in Goehner

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 19:44:30 CDT

Dear Drew, I'm about to graduate and don't want to have to get a real job. My plan to go to school, find a rich lady, then retire on her account has failed miserably. Any advice for a backup plan?
Sincerely,
-Golddigging Guy in Goehner

Golddigging Guy in Goehner, This is a problem that I take very seriously as I feel everyone deserves to find a rich lady and retire on her dime. But the sad truth is that it can be very difficult to actually accomplish such a feat. Let's be honest, it's more likely you will end up with a chubby Wal-Mart cashier than a sexy lawyer, but you can't give up hope! Continue your search as long as your bank account will allow and keep that charm flowing whenever you talk to that cute doctor as you're being rushed to the ER. However, if it looks like your time is running out you may want to consider setting your monetary standards a little lower. For example, find a woman who is highly motivated and works hard, even if she doesn't make much money. As long as you can alter your lifestyle to the amount of money she makes waitressing or bar tending, she will support you with her tips until you have to divorce her for bringing too many male customers home while you are at the comic book store comparing Spider Man costumes with an 8 year old. So keep an eye out for the right kind of woman first and take a look at her check book second; in the end your laziness will indeed pay off.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Nort

Sun, 12 Sep 2010 10:13:55 CDT

Dear Drew, I bought a Clay County news paper to wipe with the other day and on the front page was a headline that stated that some of Harvard will be demolished. Why wouldn't they just demolish the whole town?
Sincerely,
-Nort

Nort, The beautiful town of Harvard has many things to offer us that justify it's not being completely demolished. For example; if Harvard was demolished, where would we get all the meth we need to fuel our weekend drug binges? And if Harvard was demolished, where else would we go to get a delicious lunch and spend the next three days on the toilet with severe diarrhea if not the Black Dog Diner? So when you really look at it Harvard offers us so many important things in our lives that getting rid of it would only serve to make our lives empty and depressing. Now if you will excuse me, I have to get to Harvard to get started on that demolition right away. If I take enough meth before I start I'll probably have the entire town destroyed by lunch.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Sydney in Saskatchewan

Fri, 10 Sep 2010 00:25:06 CDT

Who won your latest caption contest?
Sincerely,
-Sydney in Saskatchewan

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20100910002506/answer.htm

A Question from Lost in Love...land

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 18:10:28 CDT

Dear Drew, You make me feel like a natural woman. Who makes YOU feel like a natural woman?
Sincerely,
-Lost in Love...land

Lost in Love...land, I find that I am at my most womanly when I kick back in front of the television in my robe and slippers, sip on a refreshing Zima, and stroke my pet eel Richard until the sun comes up. It might seem a little sad, but I find it very relaxing and romantic. If you are ever in the area of the AskDrewNow.com studios and want to stop by for a magical moment, just let us know and we will make sure we have plenty of bottles of Arbor Mist on ice for you. Because in the end, it's each and every fan out there that makes us all feel like a natural woman.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from The French Connection

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:02:02 CDT

Dear Drew, If a grown man shaves around his anus, when it starts to grow back, will it be pokey? Scratchy? Will it tickle?
Sincerely,
-The French Connection

The French Connection, I had to consult with some of my associates on this question as I have personally never taken the time to shave around my anus. I mean, what kind of man would consider doing such a feminine thing? Luckily, I did find someone who has shaved around his anus for years and I was able to sit down with him in his bathroom to get the answers to your questions. While I was shaving his coin purse he informed me that he does not feel any pokiness, scratchiness or tickling when the hair grows back around his bunghole. The only discomfort that arises from his shaving escapades is an increase in the frequency of his nards sticking to his legs during those hot, steamy summer days. Now if you will excuse me I need to go shave around my anus.
Sincerely,
-Drew

A Question from Bea in Arthurtown

Sat, 04 Sep 2010 03:14:37 CDT

I recently stumbled onto your site and you three look familiar as hell, do I recognize you from some of your work prior to askdrewnow.com? Or am I just a knuckle?
Sincerely,
-Bea in Arthurtown

Watch the Video Answer here: http://www.askdrewnow.com/20100904031437/answer.htm

A Question from Nadene from North Platte

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 18:17:31 CDT

Dear Drew, I came here because my friend claims to be "related" to you. I think she's just a stalker of good site creators. She even found some old head-shots of you online or something and photo-shopped them into some of her family pictures...weird, I know. She's gone as far as to say you're her "cousin" and that you're all about her "telling her friends" about your site. All I'm saying is that if you're ever around UNK, you might want to watch out for this short girl with black (sometimes red-ish), curly (sometimes straight) hair...yikes! Okay, now for my question. What do you do about obsessed friends who swear every good site creator is their relation? And what if said friend gets all FOUR little sisters to believe them?! I mean this is kinda crazy in itself, but next thing you know she'll be saying she's also related to Tom from Myspace. Also, where did you get that shiny thing on your left ring finger? It's pretty and shiny :) You have a great site! That's all :)
Sincerely,
-Nadene from North Platte

Nadene from North Platte, If I were you I would be very suspicious of this friend of yours who claims to be related to me. When you get to be as poor and famous as I am you get a lot of people who try to ride your coattails straight to the bottom, so it doesn't surprise me that people are already starting to try to steal a piece of my fame. However, the fact that this friend of yours has discovered the site and has started spreading the word like herpes in a rugby locker room, she can't be all that bad. Word of mouth is our greatest asset on this site; mainly because only 3 or 4 people in the entire world have visited this page. I also appreciate the heads up about this potential stalker. If I see anyone fitting the description you gave me I will be sure to have one of my associates try to run her over with their scooter. If that doesn't work I can always just make her watch Goulash Farmer...that would send anyone running for the hills. One thing I am very concerned about is YOUR safety. If your friend is having these grand delusions of AskDrewNow.com association, you may want to distance yourself from her immediately. That or ask her for some of the acid she is obviously using on a regular basis. But thank you for your compliments and please continue to visit the site. We should have some exciting new videos for you very soon! Oh, and tell my cousin hello.
Sincerely,
-Drew