Dear Drew,
My mom recently entered the world of facebook. As I am an agnostic lesbian with offensive yet hilarious friends, this has definitely inhibitted upon my right to freedom of speech. I feel stifled and just can't seem to get out from under the rule of her iron fist, no matter where I go. What should I do?

Oppressed in Oslo, The best thing you can do now is to go all the way. If your mom is going to invade your privacy at every turn then the only thing left to do is blow open the door and let her see the sexy and lubricated story that is your life. Document everything you do during the day (and night) down to the most scissoring detail. Post it all online and make sure your mom can access it. Once you have nothing left to hide you will be set free. Yes, your mom will probably have a mushroom cloud size aneurysm, but at least you won't have to live in fear anymore. An agnostic lesbian should not fear her mom, but the mom should fear her agnostic lesbian daughter.