Dear Drew,
I'm a 30 something year old man who collects dolls. Barbie dolls, nesting dolls, Living Dead Dolls... any dolls I can find. The problem is, girls can't stop laughing when they see them and I can't get laid. Any suggestions?

Blue Balls in Birmingham, The best thing you can do is combine all of your interests in to one single area of focus. May I suggest a blow up doll for a girlfriend? Think about it; it combines your love for dolls and solves your problem of never getting laid. Plus a blow up doll is always ready to rock your world. And I'm sure she wouldn't even mind if you let all of your other dolls sit around and watch. So save up those welfare checks for a couple of months and get to your nearest sex shop. Your true love awaits.