Dear Drew, Where's my fan package with stickers and printed toilet paper? I need to spread the good word.

Caleb Studnicka in Bohemia, Rest easy, your fan package is being assembled by our expert package handlers right now. There is no one out there that is better at handling your package than AskDrewNow.com. And as for your printed toilet paper, we are still in the "testing" stage, but I will include some used samples for you to scratch and sniff. Once you get those stickers be sure to use them to tag every local bar, elementary school and Alzheimer’s hospitals so everyone can be introduced to our brand of humor. We appreciate your support...and your package.